In My Head this Morning

1:14 a.m. – 46 more minutes available for potential sleep.

But, SUDDENLY VERY AWAKE!

Thoughts erupt instantly, like racehorses bursting through the starting gates.

I don’t think I picked the right thing to wear on the plane. That shirt is going to be too cleavage-y if I have to bend over to pick anything up – and given my travel history, chances are that I’ll dump the entire contents of my purse out on the plane and then have to crawl around on the ground trying to locate stray tampons and tubes of lip gloss. So, I’ll go with a different shirt then. But then I have to wear different boots, too. Ok. It’s a plan.

I MUST remember to pack my phone charger. I always forget. Remember, brain, remember!

So glad I packed everything two nights ago, even though I was super cranky and bitchy about it. Hope I packed enough underwear.

Well, they have stores there so it’s not like a crisis if I forget something, ok? Calm down.

Calm. Huh! I actually feel pretty calm at the moment. I wonder if I’m starting to get better about flying? I wonder if I’m going to have any anxiety on this trip today?

ANXIETY: YO, I’M HERE BOO. I’M COMING TOO! CAN’T WAIT, WORKING ON SOME NEW MATERIAL FOR YA.

Awesome.

Well, I may as well get up now, I’m not really tired anymore and there’s only 30 minutes left now anyway…

[Immediately and completely pass out into deep coma-like slumber, have horribly awkward dream about hearing my parents loudly having sex even though in real life they’ve been divorced for 30 years and never speak. Feel dirty, and totally startled when alarm goes off at 2 a.m. Very angry at parents for exposing me to such horrors in my dream; will yell at my Mom later.]

I need food and coffee IMMEDIATELY. (Banana and protein bar disappear into face in 4.5 seconds.) I’m gonna need to bring my coffee in the shower today – I can’t be parted from it at any moment. We really should build an extra shelf in the shower for a coffee mug! Yay, that means a Home Depot trip when we get home, and maybe…

ANXIETY: MAYBE TODAY IS THE DAY THAT YOU FINALLY DIE IN A PLANE CRASH

Why thanks, anxiety. Not super helpful. Better make sure I have my “special-Jen-calm-down-pills” in my purse.

“Keep on hoping we’ll eat cake by the ocean! Cake by the ocean! Cake by the ocean!”

Man that song is really catchy. You know what else is catchy? That new Justin Bieber song.

I hate myself.

But, you know what, I don’t think I packed enough shoes. I better toss a few more on top of everything just in case. Is six pairs enough for five days? Wow, I’m a shitty packer.

But HEY, wait a minute. I’ve traveled a lot recently and I’ve improved so much, so, that’s pretty awesome of me. I feel like I (mostly) have my shit together when I travel now.

Actually, I’m practically a professional global jet-setter at this point.

ANXIETY: WE CAN’T GO ON JETS THEY ARE WAY TOO SMALL AND VIRTUALLY GUARANTEED TO CRASH AND THEN WE DIE

Ok, so no jets for now. Happy?

ANXIETY: WHAT IS THIS HAPPY

Nevermind.

Where are my kitties? Must show love to them before I leave by whispering “I loooooooooooooooveeeee youuuuuuu” in their ears and squeezing them tightly until they struggle to escape from my arms. Actually, this is sort of how I show love to people as well. Well, whatever. I’m such a good catmom though.

Ok, so I think we’re good to go! Ready to start loading the car. Let me just toss this last bag in and then

Oh shit, PHONE CHARGER!!!!!! Gotta run back upstairs real quick.

Phew. Thanks brain! A little late though.

I am so totally ready for this trip.

ANXIETY: ME TOO BOO

See you on the other side!

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