Save Yourself

When you’re sitting at your computer writing a report or working on a project, are you a compulsive saver? I am. I’m forever hitting that little disc icon. Ctrl + S is my BFF. I guess it’s just a combination of my obsessive personality and some well-justified paranoia after having been burned one too many times. (Shuddering at the flashbacks – high school, hours past midnight, losing 15-page essays due the next morning, epic meltdowns. Gah.)

Now, I’m sure to save my work often. I’ve worked too hard, and for too long. There’s too much to lose.

Doing the same thing in real-life, actual life-life – that’s more of a battle. I need to give myself more reminders.

[Don’t forget to save yourself.]

Sometimes – usually when I’m struggling or somehow emotionally weakened – I think about giving up. I don’t need to finish this degree – I don’t care how many classes I’ve already taken. I don’t want to do that presentation – someone else can do it. I can’t face this conflict or have that uncomfortable conversation, so maybe I’ll just let this relationship fade. I don’t feel like working out today. Why bother? I’m tired of therapy, and exhausted by my efforts toward self-improvement. It’s too hard. It’s not worth it. I’m not worth it.

I guess this would be the equivalent of: “Are you sure you want to close without saving?” And me saying: YUP. LOSE IT ALL. DON’T CARE.

Obviously, I do care.

Because of all this added pressure I’m under? All of this additional work and stress and struggle and anxiety?

I wanted it all. I asked for it all. In some cases, I fought hard to get it. I fought because I knew I needed it, and because I knew it would be worth it.

(I also knew that it wouldn’t always be easy. Well, now I KNOW know that. It’s usually not easy.)

So the reminder is this: Save Yourself.

Save early, and often.

You can pause if you need to. Stop and breathe. A pause is not giving up.

But you will not go backwards.

You’ve done too much, and have worked too hard, and have come too far to lose it all now.

Save Yourself.

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